If you close your eyes and picture your ideal self, what do you see? This was a question I asked myself after completing development training that recommended we close the gap between our real and ideal selves.
Naturally, I pondered the question, and here’s what I took away. Whatever you see in your mind’s eye as your ideal, you can start working to achieve. As you do, you’ll begin closing the gap between who you are today — your real self — and who you want to be tomorrow — your ideal self.
What do you see?
So how about you? What do you see? Are you 20 lbs lighter? Are you more patient and loving with others? Do you see yourself further along in your career — either at a higher level or making more money? Are you married — happily? Do you see yourself enjoying financial freedom?
Maybe you’ve already come a long way towards a more ideal state. Praise yourself if you have! Hopefully all of us are striving each day to do better and be better. But there’s a lot that can steal our attention and distract us. That’s why you have to be intentional about it.
Set goals and stick to them. Schedule time on your calendar for exercise or meal prep. Devote specific time each day to personal development, learning or reading. Get a mentor. Get marriage 
counseling. Take a Dave Ramsey class. Whatever that looks like for you to start to close the gap, do it!
Want some examples?
I have a friend who was climbing the ladder at work. She went into management and was doing well, but soon found her career seemed to stagnate. It didn’t make sense to her; she was intelligent, effective, and getting results. Then she made the decision to focus on her health and get disciplined about eating right and working out.
When she had lost a significant amount of weight, she noticed opportunities coming available for her. Soon she had climbed another rung on the proverbial ladder. Had she been discriminated against? Doubtful. But when she displayed personal discipline and became more confident and happier because she was closer to her ideal self, she shined in others’ eyes, too.
I have another friend who had quickly reached a leadership position, but she was several states away from family and burnt out on the long hours. When she pictured her ideal, she saw herself enjoying more free time and being closer to loved ones, particularly her sister and dad. She stepped down from her leadership role, moved back to her home state, and hasn’t regretted the decision one bit.
What’s the point?
These two ideals were very different and took the individuals in opposite directions, but untimely helped the two women find their more ideal states and accomplish what they longed for. We’re all unique with different goals and dreams. It’s not about doing what you think you should based on what others say or what society says; rather, it’s about doing what you see as being ideal and right for you. It’s about being true to whatever ‘ideal’ is for you.
What to do if you feel internal dissonance
Oftentimes, when we’re not living as our ideal selves or our best selves, we feel dissonance, or internal conflict. This can make us dissatisfied or discontent.
How do you fix that? I think there are one of two ways. You can:
- Intentionally strive to close the gap, or
- Make peace with yourself.
Any Downton Abbey fans here? It contains the most perfect example of someone who needed to make peace with herself.
My husband and I recently re-watched the series and came to the episode where Grandma (the Dowager) had to have a stern talk with Mary. It was the season in which Mary is so discontent with her own life that she can’t help but ruin other lives around her (particularly her sister, Edith’s). Her internal strife causes her to be extremely nasty and cruel with her words.
In the episode, Grandma says to Mary: “First, make peace with your sister, and then make peace with yourself.” That made all the difference for Mary, and it could make a difference for many of us, too.
Change it or accept it
If you don’t like your current state, either change it or accept it. Far too many people waste valuable time being miserable, discontent, or unhappy. And far too often they take their frustrations out on others around them.
I’m a firm believer that if you want better, you can have better. It takes effort and work, but it’s achievable. This is the difference between having a fixed mindset or a growth mindset. A fixed mindset says you are stuck where you are. A growth mindset says you c
an change things for the better — even if it’s just your own attitude. And, in my view, it’s 100% worth your time and investment to strive for better.
It’s the climb, or the journey, that matters
You may know the Miley Cyrus song titled: It’s the climb. I love that song. It says this:
“There’s always gonna be another mountain. I’m always gonna want to make it move. Always gonna be an uphill battle. Sometimes I’m gonna have to lose. Ain’t about how fast I get there. Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side. It’s the climb.” — Miley Cyrus
I read an article this week that shared the same sentiments. It said, essentially, that learning and growth occur along the journey itself, and not upon reaching your destination.
This is a good reminder to all of us. No matter how big the gap is that you may be trying to close, we can’t buy into the lie that says, “Everything will be perfect when…”
Instead, we should work towards our goals, enjoy the small wins, learn from the setbacks and mistakes, and remember that we’re growing and learning no matter how slow or small our incremental progress.
Your turn
So what about you? Can you picture your ideal self? Are you intentionally living that life already, or do you have room for improvement? You know I love to hear from you, so comment below or share this post and add your own sentiments when you do.
It all ties back to creating the life you want — on purpose — which I am ALL ABOUT. Who’s with me?
Yours Intentionally, Amanda