Motivation, Parenting and Motherhood, Personal Goals

To wait or to seize — that is the question

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I recently found myself in a conundrum. As you know, I have a strong desire to live intentionally, to chase my dreams, and be in control of my own fate (to the extent possible). However, I find this desire in contrast with giving up control, surrendering, and allowing life to unfold.

On one hand, I’m 100% bought into the idea that by living intentionally, we can make things happen for ourselves. Positive things, that otherwise wouldn’t happen. And, since I’m a planner at heart, it’s easy for me.

On the other hand, I recognize that I’m not in control of all things. In fact, trying to control everything can damage relationships, and turn one into an authoritative dictator no one wants to be around. 

So, what are we to do? Is the answer to just watch and see? Should we sit on our hands and just hope for good things? I don’t think so.

The trick is to know when to make things happen and when to allow life to unfold. 

From Stafford’s book Only Love Today

Wait or Seize?

I recently read Rachel Macy Stafford’s book Only Love Today, and it was there that I found the answer. She said it perfectly with these words: “Learn when to wait a moment and when to seize a moment.” I love that! 

It reminds me of the Bible verses found in Ecclesiastes 3: “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity…” We have to determine what the situation calls for and discern if we should wait or seize.

Continue reading To wait or to seize — that is the question →

Christian Faith, Counseling, Parenting and Motherhood

One Truth I Wish I Learned Sooner

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Have you ever considered what you’d say if you had the ability to write a letter to your younger self? It’s an ‘If I’d known then what I know now’ concept that’s interesting to ponder.

It crossed my mind today while driving in my car. On the radio, I heard the song: Dear Younger Me by MercyMe. In it, the singer imagines writing a letter to himself when he was younger. He dreams of giving himself an advantage in life by teaching valuable lessons without having to experience any of the pain he went through. He envisions sharing wisdom to help him avoid mistakes and keep him from making the wrong choices.

It made me pause to consider what I would tell my younger self if given the opportunity. Surprisingly, in just a few short minutes, the answer was crystal clear to me. It centered around the idea of perfection.

The lie I believed & the truth I found

I could have saved myself a lot of pain if I had recognized much earlier in life that no one is perfect, and therefore, I don’t have to be perfect either.

You see, I grew up believing a lie. The lie was:

My value and self-worth = My performance + The opinion of others

When in reality, the truth is:

My value and self-worth comes from God. He knows I’m not perfect and loves me anyway. He made us all human and none of us are perfect.

Oh, the pain I could have saved myself if I had recognized this sooner. Oh, the freedom that would have come with not caring so much what others thought of me. If only I’d had the ability to try things without the fear of failing or even the fear of simply not doing as well as others.

I was in my mid-30s before I truly understood God’s love for me in this way and grasped that my value comes from Him alone.

When I was seeing a counselor in 2017, I worked through a book called Conquering

My workbook while going through counseling

Codependency – A Christ-Centered 12-Step Process by Pat Springle. It was this book that helped me realize the lie I was believing about performance-based value. It taught me to replace the lie with the truth of God’s love for me.

If only, but what’s done is done.

As I drove on, I snapped out of my reflective daydream. “If only…” I thought. “But I can’t change the past and write a letter to myself. What’s done is done.”

Then another truth hit me.

I don’t have the power to change the past, but I do have the power to influence the future.

Continue reading One Truth I Wish I Learned Sooner →

Christian Faith, Counseling, Marriage and Relationships

7 Powerful Words

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And 2 Suggestions

“I will with the help of God.” Strung together, those 7 words are powerful.

The phrase reminds me of the Bible verse in Philippians 4:13 that says, “I can do all things who Christ who strengthens me.” Both are so full of hope. They provide courage to move forward when the future is uncertain. When the next steps seem daunting and too overwhelming to face alone.

Why I love those words

I have a personal love for this particular 7-word phrase because it was part of our wedding vows. Tom and I celebrated our 12th anniversary of marriage this month, causing me to reflect on the many wonderful memories I have of our beautiful winter wedding in Michigan.

We had the traditional vows that included “for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health….” But rather than saying “I do,” we were asked to say “I will with the help of God.”

The phrase was so fitting for us. It was (and is) foundational to our relationship. We recognized then (and still do) that we’d need God’s help to fully love, honor and cherish one another all the days of our lives.

During our pre-marital counseling at our church, we learned to put Christ at the center of our relationship. An image of a triangle depicted that the closer we grew to Christ, the closer we’d grow to one another, and that’s absolutely proven true.

Growing closer to God helps you and your spouse grow closer to one another.

Those 7 words are a powerful reminder to me that God is a constant help whenever I need Him, and He makes things possible.

Marriage isn’t easy

Marriage isn’t easy, and it’s increasingly difficult when we rely solely on our own strength; when we have only a human perspective. Twelve years have confirmed that Tom and I are not perfect. We’ve had enough life experience together to have seen the good, the bad, and the ugly of one another. We’ve said things we wish we could take back, and we’ve not always been as loving, honoring and cherishing as we had hoped. We’ve had selfish days, and ups and downs as all marriages do, but we aren’t ready or willing to walk away when difficult situations arise.  Continue reading 7 Powerful Words →

Personal Goals, Work Life and Career

3 Ways to Positively Contribute at Work

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Intentionally Giving Back to Others

Many of you know I work for a Fortune 50 company at its Corporate Headquarters. This week, my manager and I sat down for my performance review. During the meeting, he gave me a really nice compliment. He said:

“Some people are energy neutral. 

Some take more than they give. 

Some give more than they take. 

I’d put you in this last category.” 

Nice, right?! This got me thinking about how I try to give back at work and how I positively contribute to others.

Three categories came to mind of how I do this and how I’ve seen others do it as well. What’s more, they’re easy so you can do them, too!

1)    If a problem, bring a solution

Early in my career, I had a superior tell me he appreciated the fact that when I identified a problem and wasn’t able to work through it on my own, that I would always come to him with a few potential solutions — rather than just the problem. This stuck with me as a valued practice I’ve continued to do.

So my mantra and advice is: When needing to take a problem to a superior, be ready to offer one or more possible solutions.

Continue reading 3 Ways to Positively Contribute at Work →

Counseling, Marriage and Relationships, Personal Goals

4 Tips to Excellent Communication in Marriage

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Though I’m not a marriage expert, I’m in a great marriage and learning along the way. (This month, Tom and I will celebrate our 12th wedding anniversary!) One might consider me an expert in communications since I do have a degree in it and have spent the

Picture of our hands over our bouquet of flowers on our wedding day.
Our hands and rings over our bouquet of flowers on our wedding day. Photo Credit: Holly Frey Photography

majority of my professional career working in that particular field; however, I admit to still having much to learn. Putting these 2 things together – marriage and communication – I want to offer you 4 tips to excellent communication in marriage (or other relationships).

But first, a quick story

The other day, Tom received some disheartening news. He shared it with me when I got home from work. It was disheartening for me to hear as well.  We both experienced a myriad of emotions upon learning the news and both needed to process it and work through it.

The ‘what’ doesn’t matter here, but it’s important to note that the news wasn’t the kind that would cause a fight or argument; it was simply the kind that required common understanding and decisions about next steps.

We sat through a quiet dinner in which our daughters carried the conversation between themselves while we continued our own internal processing.

After dinner, we were ready to talk. We sat down and began working through what we were thinking and feeling. That lasted 2 full hours. Through it, we came to a place of contentment and peace, and in the end, we both felt better.

Upon reflection, I was able to see what we did well in those 2 hours that led to a positive resolution of our feelings, though the news hadn’t changed.

Here’s what we did and what you can do, too, in your own relationships: Continue reading 4 Tips to Excellent Communication in Marriage →

Christian Faith, Parenting and Motherhood

Want to build confidence in kids? Try this!

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Resolving to use a confidence-building, guidance-giving system with my kids in the new year

The new year is almost upon us, and many of us are trying to finalize our New Year’s resolutions. For me, I’m resolving to be more intentional in building confidence in my two daughters. I’ll do this through a new system I came up with called “Mom says…” 

Before I share the details of the system — and how you can get in on it too — let me tell you why I’m doing it.

Why I’m Doing What I’m Doing

I recently asked my 8-year-old to get ready for bed. Before she came upstairs, I went into her room to put away laundry and found she had a dry erase board propped on her dresser in front of her mirror. Wondering if she’d notice, I quickly scribed: “Mom loves you, and you’re beautiful!” Underneath it, I put a heart with a smiley face inside it.

Then I left her room and went into my own to get ready for bed. I heard her come upstairs, and just a few moments later, she came into my room with a huge smile on her face and bright eyes. She said, “Thanks, Mom. I saw what you did.” And she wrapped her arms around my waist giving me a great big hug.

I couldn’t believe how much that one simple act had meant to her. Especially from my daughter who rarely shows affection, cuddles or hugs. It must have really been something she was needing to hear!

Inspired by a TED Talk 

This experience immediately made me think back to a TED Talk I heard earlier this year called Promoting Confidence in Teen Girls. It was given by Cheryl Mason, a mom from my local community, who decided one day to write an encouraging note on her teen daughter’s bathroom mirror with a dry erase marker.

Knowing the pressures of once being a young girl and just how many negative messages bombard them, Cheryl chose to write her daughter’s favorite quote as a bit of encouragement to her: “You is kind. You is smart. You is important.” Her daughter didn’t respond in any way — not a word. But, she also didn’t erase it. 

Continue reading Want to build confidence in kids? Try this! →

Mindfulness, Motivation, Personal Goals

3 Reasons a Vision Board is Better Than a Resolution

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Forget Resolutions – Try a Vision Board

I’m not against New Year’s Resolutions; I like the idea of them. They’re about reflecting on your life and intentionally thinking of areas where you can improve, do better, or be better. I love that! But, if you’ve never made a vision board, you may want to try it.

Why is a vision board better? I’ll give you three reasons, (and tell you what happened when I created one in preparation for 2018).

1)    Resolutions don’t always stick

We’ve all been there: resolving with grand plans to live differently, but as soon as we’ve “fallen off the wagon” or “blown it,” the resolution goes by the wayside. If it wasn’t sustainable, or it only lasted a few weeks – or even just a few days – into January, it wasn’t very helpful.

Before December, 2017, I had only created a vision board once. It was at a financial seminar about retirement planning. During the seminar, all the attendees, me included, created our own vision boards illustrating our ideal retirement. We were asked to think about how we’d spend our time, where we’d be, who would be with us, and how much money we’d need to achieve those goals or live that way.

I enjoyed the exercise. It forced all of us to think about what we really wanted, digging deep into our personal desires and dreams. It also forced us to articulate in words or pictures what those dreams looked like, which was helpful. We could then begin working towards them – through additional savings and investments, by making more money, or spending less. Further, we could discuss the articulated goals with our significant others or spouses. This helped to ensure we were on the same page and working towards the same vision for our future.

After doing it once and seeing the value in it, I decided to give it another try to articulate my goals as the new year (2018) approached. 

Continue reading 3 Reasons a Vision Board is Better Than a Resolution →

Christian Faith, Counseling, Marriage and Relationships

Intentionally Seeking God

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And His Way of Doing Relationships

If ever you’ve wondered whether God moves in your life, know that He does. It may require work on your part and a willingness to pay attention in order to see it, but He absolutely does – especially when you intentionally seek Him.

How do I know? Let me take you back to Sept. 2004, when Dr. Gary Smalley, Christian speaker and author, was scheduled to attend NorthRidge Church in Plymouth, Michigan to conduct a seminar about his book The DNA of Relationships.

It was there that my husband (Tom) and I met for the first time. A meeting we believe to be God ordained.

The setup

Tom had attended NorthRidge for a while – before I started attending – but had quit going to the mega-church because it felt so large and overwhelming. Then one day, while driving in his pickup, a radio advertisement announced a one-day seminar the church was hosting called, The DNA of Relationships. Tom thought, “What the heck, I’ll get two tickets and see if my brother, Jim, wants to go with me.” So, he did.

Meanwhile, I had just recently started attending the church and heard an announcement for the same one-day seminar during the Sunday services. I thought, “That sounds good. I’ll get two tickets and see if my boyfriend, John, wants to go with me.”

As that Saturday, Sept. 11, 2004, approached, Jim had shown no interest in wanting to go with Tom, and John had decided to break up with me after nine months of dating. So, Tom went alone to the seminar, and so did I. Coincidence? We think not. 

Continue reading Intentionally Seeking God →
Marriage and Relationships, Parenting and Motherhood, Personal Goals

3 Reasons I Intentionally Send Christmas Cards

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Besides It Being a Joy for Me

Some might view sending Christmas cards as a chore or a dreaded task, but not me. It’s one of the things I most look forward to each year at Christmas time.

In fact, (none of my friends will be surprised by this) but I usually have them done before Thanksgiving. I have to restrain myself from sending them out until afterwards.

Creating and sending Christmas cards – photo cards, to be more specific – is an absolute joy for me. Here’s how it typically goes for our family.

Each Fall, we have professional family photos taken. Once they are complete, we pick our favorites and decide which are Christmas-card worthy. (I try not to let my husband share those on Facebook ahead of the Christmas cards being sent, but sometimes he forgets – like he did this year!)

By early November, I go online and view tons of holiday, photo-card templates with different colors, layouts and phrases. I then populate a few with our pictures to see which one looks the best, and we place our order based on what the majority of us like.

Then — this is my favorite part — once we have the printed photo cards, envelopes and stamps, and our list of family and friends’ addresses from our computer, my two daughters and I sit down at the kitchen table together. We turn on Christmas music in the background, and we work as a team to stuff, address, stamp and seal the envelopes.

Admittedly, this hasn’t always been as picture perfect as it sounds.

Continue reading 3 Reasons I Intentionally Send Christmas Cards →

Farm Life

Old-Fashioned Cattle Drive

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Intentionally Making Money for Farm Improvements

The first weekend in November and again over Thanksgiving weekend, my husband (Tom) and his twin brother (Jim) were hard at work on our farm doing an old-fashioned cattle drive.

Well, maybe that’s a stretch. I wouldn’t categorize my husband or brother-in-law as cowboys in the traditional sense – cowboy hats, spurs and horses. However, they’ve been driving cattle since they were little boys. Their family has moved cattle from pasture to barn and barn to pasture for over 150 years.  

Tom and Jim operate a cow-calf operation, a method of raising beef cattle in which a permanent herd of cows is kept to produce calves for later sale. Each year, Tom and Jim add about 10 calves to the herd.  The calves are raised on pasture all Spring and Summer and then some are sold as feeder cattle (300 – 600 lbs) in the Fall to be purchased by other farmers. The remaining calves are kept, fed and raised on our farm to be sold to market once they are older and full grown.

Calf born Spring 2018
New calf born Spring 2018

Last Spring, the bred cattle gave birth to their calves (a brand new experience for my two daughters who loved hearing stories about them, naming them, and seeing them when we visited). As a result, Tom and Jim spent two weekends this Fall moving cattle to auction in an effort to make money for various farm-improvement projects they have planned.

Continue reading Old-Fashioned Cattle Drive →

Creating the Life You Want – On Purpose