Making Time for Your Spouse

Those who know us, know that Tom and I are very intentional about date nights. We shoot for one, kid-free night out per month – sometimes more. We cherish our date nights for carved-out couple time, time to focus on one another, and reconnect.

When taking pre-marital classes, and in visiting with my parents who were married for 43 years before my Dad passed, we heard over and over: “You are a couple first – before having children, before taking on the roles of Mom and Dad – so it’s critical to treasure and uphold that relationship above all others” (with the exception of our relationship with God, of course).

We aren’t extremely creative with our date nights. Our go-to plan is dinner out (because we love eating out!) and then going to Barnes & Noble for a coffee and to peruse the latest magazines and best sellers. We were much more creative in our dating days, particularly because Tom took charge in planning fun outings in his pursuit to woo me – ice skating, horseback riding, hockey games, basketball games, the planetarium, the movies. But these days, it’s less about the activity and more about the time to talk, uninterrupted, in complete sentences.

I know everybody’s budget is different, so eating out and getting coffee may not be the go-to for you in your marriage. But whatever the activity, the point is to spend time together.

For us, it’s especially important because we both appreciate spending quality time together. You may be familiar with Dr. Gary Chapman’s book, The Five Love Languages, in which he talks about expressing love to others in ways they appreciate and understand. You can do this through: Acts of Service, Words of Affirmation, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time and Physical Touch.

Tom is Acts of Service and Quality Time. I’m Quality Time and Physical Touch. So, date nights are of utmost importance to us since we both receive love, and are filled up by, spending time together. (Don’t get me wrong, we also love the time we spend watching NetFlix together, but the date nights require more interaction and deliberate conversations.)

It also helps that we enjoy each other’s company so much. In fact, very early in our dating days, Tom took me to Chili’s in Ann Arbor, Michigan (where we lived/worked at the time) and after the waitress took our order, she forgot to give it to the kitchen. More than an hour passed before she realized her mistake and came to our table apologizing for how long it was taking to get our food. We were so engaged in conversation and busy learning about one another, we hadn’t even noticed we didn’t have food!

What do you love to do on date nights? Are you being intentional about ensuring they happen? It’s easy to get busy and go through life without making time for your marriage, but it really should be a priority. Just like we were told: You were a couple first, so it’s critical to treasure and uphold that relationship.

Yours intentionally, Amanda