And His Way of Doing Relationships

If ever you’ve wondered whether God moves in your life, know that He does. It may require work on your part and a willingness to pay attention in order to see it, but He absolutely does – especially when you intentionally seek Him.

How do I know? Let me take you back to Sept. 2004, when Dr. Gary Smalley, Christian speaker and author, was scheduled to attend NorthRidge Church in Plymouth, Michigan to conduct a seminar about his book The DNA of Relationships.

It was there that my husband (Tom) and I met for the first time. A meeting we believe to be God ordained.

The setup

Tom had attended NorthRidge for a while – before I started attending – but had quit going to the mega-church because it felt so large and overwhelming. Then one day, while driving in his pickup, a radio advertisement announced a one-day seminar the church was hosting called, The DNA of Relationships. Tom thought, “What the heck, I’ll get two tickets and see if my brother, Jim, wants to go with me.” So, he did.

Meanwhile, I had just recently started attending the church and heard an announcement for the same one-day seminar during the Sunday services. I thought, “That sounds good. I’ll get two tickets and see if my boyfriend, John, wants to go with me.”

As that Saturday, Sept. 11, 2004, approached, Jim had shown no interest in wanting to go with Tom, and John had decided to break up with me after nine months of dating. So, Tom went alone to the seminar, and so did I. Coincidence? We think not. 

Our meeting

We were total strangers who had never seen each other before. I arrived first and sat down by myself in the auditorium towards the front. When Tom arrived, he walked down the center aisle toward the front as well, and as he reached my row, he swears he felt a slight pressure on his chest and an almost audible “Whoa” to slow him down. He looked to his left and saw plenty of open seats – and me. He walked into the row and sat down, leaving one empty seat between us.

As the auditorium began to fill up, one of the volunteers took the stage and asked everyone to move to the center of their rows to make room on the ends for folks still filing in. That caused Tom to move down one seat, filling the empty chair between us, and putting him right next to me. We didn’t speak at first – being complete strangers and all. But I distinctly remember observing how his jeans fit and how the pant legs pooled over the top of his brown boots. That’s about all I could see from the corner of my eyes without making it obvious I was checking him out.

During the first break, Tom initiated conversation. He asked me something like: “What do you think of this so far?” which led to a pleasant exchange between us. We spoke again briefly during the next break. By the end, as we stood in our row applauding Dr. Gary Smalley, Tom asked me for my name and number so he could call me sometime. I was open to that, so I provided the information, and he wrote it down on his worksheet. Then he walked me to my car.

Some backstory – Preparing Tom

Tom normally would have lit a cigarette after stepping outside, as he had been a smoker for many years, but he had quit just a few months earlier. He had been watching a television show called In Touch with Dr. Charles Stanley. During the show, Dr. Stanley said, “Sometimes God may ask you to do something you may think is insignificant, but in His eyes it’s of utmost importance.” Tom heard very clearly in that moment to quit smoking, and in a simple act of obedience, he quit permanently. I later told him that was a good thing because I had always sworn I would never date someone who smoked; it would have been a deal breaker that day.

“Sometimes God may ask you to do something you may think is insignificant, but in His eyes it’s of utmost importance.” 

— Dr. Charles Stanley

Tom’s obedience is significant here. He was walking closely with the Lord at the time. God was working in his life, providing healing from childhood hurts. Tom had been at his lowest of lows and his breaking point two years earlier, in the beginning of 2002. He had a boss at the time who was ruthless and extremely unethical. When Tom tried to do the right thing and expose the ways his boss was conducting business, it resulted in Tom being fired.

By August, 2002, Tom’s anxiety and depression peaked, which included feeling sick all the time. Tom’s doctor told him to make some major life changes. He found new living arrangements, sought counseling from a Christian counselor, and began attending Al-Anon and Adult Child of an Alcoholic (ACOA) meetings each week. He also began attending NorthRidge Church’s Sunday services and Wednesday evening NewLife services. He was reading his Bible regularly and listening for God’s will in his life.

Tom is a perfect example of what it looks like to intentionally seek God and desire to do relationships according to His design. Looking back, we have no doubt God was preparing Tom to meet me.

More backstory – Preparing Me

God must have been preparing me for Tom as well. I was growing in my faith during this time period, too. I was working in a small, office setting in which the business owner and my coworker and I locked the front door and sent the phones to voicemail during our one-hour lunch break each day so we could sit in the back reading and discussing the Bible as we ate our lunches. Sounds unbelievable, but it’s absolutely true! As a result, I had started attending church again on a regular basis of my own volition. I was developing a deeper relationship with,  and understanding of, God. His love was changing my heart and mind.

There’s also the fact that my nine-month relationship with John had just ended – what perfect timing! I wasn’t sure I needed to jump right into another relationship after having just gotten out of one. After the seminar, I remember thinking to myself, “If he calls, he calls. If he doesn’t, he doesn’t. Either way, I’m fine.” I surprised myself by thinking that way, as I had typically been the kind of girl who felt I had more value when I could say I had a boyfriend. Having tied my self-worth to the opinions of others for so long, I thought this was a real sign of maturity and growth on my part to be content just being me.

Still, I can’t deny how excited I was when Tom called the following weekend.

To hear his side of the story, he had put his seminar worksheet with my name and number on it in his dining room and thought about me every time he walked past it that week. Then, when the weekend rolled around again, he picked it up, took it to the kitchen and sat quietly staring at it, debating whether he should call, and what he would say if he did. (I like to think he practiced a few lines verbally before picking up the phone – like young men do in the movies – but I don’t know that he actually did.)

Finally, he placed the call. All thanks to God, we’re certain. We believe God was heavily involved before, during and after we made acquaintances. It was more than just a random, chance meeting. God orchestrated the timing, the circumstances, the whole thing! That started our dating relationship of almost two years (with just the short breakup in 2005), which led to our marriage in 2007.

If ever you’ve wanted to experience God’s love and see Him working in dramatic ways, seek Him earnestly. If ever you’ve wanted healing or drastic changes in your life, pursue God and counseling with an open heart and open mind. Be willing to do life God’s way, and listen to and obey His promptings. No one, to my knowledge, has ever regretted it.

What about you?  Do you have an experience that illustrates God moving in your life? I’d love to hear it. 

Yours intentionally, Amanda