In today’s society, we like to pretend we’ve got life all figured out. We put on a happy face to mask our problems. We appear on the outside as being “put together” though inside we have our struggles. We post images of ourselves and our families on social media that show us at our very best, presenting our good sides and leaving the bad and the ugly hidden from the world.
But the truth is, nobody has it all figured out. We’re all just doing the best we can with the same limited resources – time, money and energy. So what’s the answer? I think we all need to get better at simply asking for help.
Asking for help from others
This is not easy – especially for those who don’t want to appear needy or be seen as dependent on others. However, I’ve come to realize we’ve just got to get over that. A little help from a friend can make a tremendous difference. Let me give you an example from my own life.
My husband works 7am-3pm and leaves the house by 6:30 each morning. He’s worked this shift since before our two kids were born. I start work after 8am, so it’s been my responsibility to get the kids ready for school and drive them across town before I head to the office. The mornings have always been hectic and one of my least favorite parts of the day.
When the girls were smaller and more dependent, we had many mornings filled with meltdowns and tears over simple things, such as putting on shoes, and the like. As they’ve grown older, we’ve had many battles over what to wear (despite my best efforts to get them to lay out their clothes the night before). And, even though fixing our hair daily is a non-negotiable, there’s still some resistance and argument when it comes time to do the dreaded task. #girlmom
For years, I’ve wished my day could start out better… more peaceful… less chaotic. I’ve had days I dropped the kids off and then sat in my car crying out of sheer frustration. I’ve had days walking into work dripping with sweat feeling as though I had just run a marathon. Many times, I’d get to work at 8:15 or 8:30 feeling absolutely exhausted from my chaotic, stressful morning.
I know I’m not unique. I’m certain there are moms (and dads) who can relate. Mornings are a struggle. Getting everyone ready on a tight time table and out the door is not easy – especially when you add in strong-willed children, defiant toddlers, or the “me do” mentality of littles who haven’t yet conquered the skills needed to do for themselves – at least not in a timely fashion. You might also add in the time-consuming tasks of packing lunches, gathering snacks and water bottles, searching for last night’s homework, locating glasses and shoes, remembering piano books and sports equipment, and more!
Recently, several articles caught my eye about creating peaceful morning routines. The experts tout things like: exercise, reading daily devotionals, spending time in prayer, listening to morning meditations or positive affirmations, eating a healthy breakfast, and more. I love these ideas! But as I read them, I thought: “When am I supposed to do all this? Do I need to wake up at 4am to fit all this in? If so – no way. I’m already exhausted!”
But the articles made me desire these things, and I started some creative brainstorming about how it might be possible to create a more Zen-like morning for myself. I talked to my husband. I prayed about it. And then I remembered a mom who lives nearby who I’ve been driving next to on the way to school each morning for years. Her son and my daughter are now in 4th grade, and we’ve been making the same trek across town since they were in Pre-K
together. I wondered if I could ask her for help with the morning commute. Finally, I did it, and it’s made such a difference!
My routine previously consisted of getting my girls out the door by 7:30am. I drove them across town to school, which took 20 minutes. Then I drove another 20 minutes to work, and I did my makeup in the car once parked at the office, which added another 5 minutes. That’s 45 minutes in total. But I only live 6 minutes from where I work, so by asking for help with the morning commute, I was able to add an additional 39 minutes of “me time” to my morning!
And how wonderful those 39 minutes are! I’ve made time to do my makeup at home while listening to morning meditations and positive affirmations. I’ve carved out time to sit down and eat breakfast while I read a daily devotional. (Talk about starting your morning off on the right foot and with a great attitude!) And most mornings, I’m able to clean up the kitchen before leaving, which reduces my stress when I get home from work at the end of a long day. #messesareatriggerforme
I love the peace and quiet that fills the house after my girls walk out the door to hitch a ride. I wave good-bye and then relish the time I have for me. It’s quite Zen.
They say it takes a village to raise a child. But sometimes, either we forget to use our village, or we’re afraid to ask our village. Again, I say, get over that and ask for help. You’ll be glad you did!
Asking for help from professionals
If you thought asking others for help sounded hard, this one is even harder. Why? Because there’s such a negative stigma associated with needing professional help, mental health, counseling, or rehab. No one wants to admit they need it. No one wants to be seen as weak, in need, or unable to cope on their own.
But I’m a huge advocate of seeking professional help. I’ve admitted before on this blog that I went for counseling from late 2016 to early 2018, and I’m not at all ashamed of it. In fact, I see it as a brave step, a courageous act, and a preventative measure before things get worse or become completely unmanageable.
Life is hard. Some people are taught coping skills and how to set healthy boundaries; others aren’t. Some have friends or resources to help them manage; others don’t. And some have real conditions and fears that leave them debilitated or feeling helpless, and they need somewhere to turn as well.
I can sit here now and reflect proudly on the progress I made throughout 2017 by having seen a professional counselor every few weeks. And, I can count numerous marriages I’m aware of that have been saved and healed through some serious marriage counseling. I also have family members who have had to attend Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), Adult Child of an Alcoholic (ACOA), and Rehab to recover from drug addiction. They’ve all lived very full, prosperous and healthy lives afterwards, as well. If they hadn’t asked for help when it was needed, their stories might have ended very differently.
I don’t know your situation today, but if you’re at the end of your rope and unsure where to turn, let me encourage you to ask for help from professionals. When I was ready, I simply Googled “Christian Counselors” in my area. You could also search “Therapists,” “Psychologists,” or “Psychiatrists.”
Several sites and phone numbers will appear, and then you can inquire about whether or not the locations or doctors accept your health insurance. With our insurance, my sessions were considered a covered “office visit” and simply required a small co-pay. While all plans are a little different, if you need the help, you need the help. Do some research and find a way to make it work. It could be your health, your marriage, or your life that depends on it.
Asking for help from God
The Bible says God is “an ever-present help in times of trouble” (Psalms 46:1). This means He is always there, always available for whenever we need to turn to Him.
Though He’s the first place we should turn, ironically, He’s often the last place. It seems most people turn to God when they hit rock bottom or feel as though they have nowhere else to turn.
But for Christ followers, this should not be the case. Once we’ve accepted Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior, we should be in constant contact and dialogue with Him throughout our days. This could be through prayer, Bible reading, daily devotionals, worship music, church, and through fellowship with others either in small group Bible studies, serving, or a myriad of other ways.
“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” -Matthew 7:7
The Bible is clear about asking, too. God wants us to be in relationship with Him. Talking to Him, making our requests known, and then listening and watching for His responses and guidance.
Matthew 7:7-8 says: “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.”
Do it – Ask for help
If you’re struggling today and could use help – either from others, professionals or God – I encourage you to seek it. Don’t believe that others can read your mind. Don’t believe that you have to pull yourself up by your bootstraps and go it alone. Don’t believe that asking makes you appear weak or needy.
Instead, believe in the freedom and joy that can be found. Believe in the chains that can be broken and the relationships that can be healed. Believe in life everlasting, forgiveness, and grace that can be yours through a relationship with Jesus.
In my journey, I’m on a mission to live intentionally to create the life I want on purpose. In the last two weeks, two years, and two decades, I’ve made huge strides in doing that.
- In the last two weeks, I greatly improved my mornings and carved out time for me.
- In the last two years, I greatly improved my own mental health and close relationships by seeking counseling to help me understand my triggers, my thought distortions, and better ways of coping and relating.
- And in the last two decades, I’ve been strengthening my relationship with the Lord and realizing I need Him in every aspect of my life.
What do you need help with today? Who can offer you that help? I encourage you to ask for it – whatever it may be. When you do, you’ll be on your way to creating your best life!
Yours Intentionally, Amanda