We’ve all seen the board sign that says, “She believed she could, so she did,” right? It makes a nice wall hanging and adds to our décor, but have you ever really thought about that phrase? It’s both accurate and motivating.
I’m learning, through multiple sources, that our beliefs shape our thoughts and emotions, which ultimately determine our actions and behaviors. This makes what we tell ourselves and what we believe extremely important.
My conclusion, of course, is that we need to be intentional about telling ourselves we’ll be successful and believing that we will be. Or telling ourselves that we’re capable and truly believing that we are.
Our beliefs influence our actions
Belief alone is not enough; the other half of the equation is following through and taking necessary actions. However, since beliefs influence our actions, we must first get our thoughts and beliefs solidified.
Our beliefs shape our thoughts and emotions, which ultimately determine our actions and behaviors. This makes what we tell ourselves and what we believe extremely important.
Far too often, we let limiting beliefs about ourselves hold us back from actually achieving what we want in life. We might believe we aren’t good enough or not worthy. Or perhaps we think it’s going to be too hard or that we’ll never be able to change ourselves or our situations.
It’s the difference between having a Growth Mindset and a Fixed Mindset. Believing you are stuck or that your efforts can’t change your life or your current situation, equates to having a Fixed Mindset. But when we believe that our own efforts can make a difference, and that we can change/improve/grow, we have a Growth Mindset. It comes down to what we believe.
Maybe you’re familiar with Carol Dweck’s TedTalk on Growth Mindset and The Power Of Yet. If not, I encourage you to watch it. She describes a research study she conducted with 10 year olds in which she gave them a set of problems that were beyond the skillset of most 10 year olds.
Some responded in very positive ways, saying things like: “I love a challenge,” while others responded in very negative ways, feeling devastated by the tragic event of not knowing the answers. The first group had a Growth Mindset and knew that, through effort, they could master something new and overcome this challenge. The second group had a Fixed Mindset believing it was hopeless for them; that they’d never be able to master the problems.
Dweck says the first group believed in the “power of yet” which put them on a learning curve. They would eventually figure out how to overcome the challenge, they just hadn’t ‘yet.’ The second group, however, was devastated by the “tyranny of now.”
Most amazing of all is what the second group said when asked what they’d do in the future if faced with similar challenges. The responses included: 1) Cheat (rather than study since they didn’t believe the effort of studying would change anything), 2) Find someone who did worse (to feel better about themselves), and 3) Run from difficulty (rather than face it head on).
Both sets of students were unable to figure out the problems presented to them, but their beliefs greatly impacted their immediate response, and significantly influenced the behaviors and actions they said they’d employ the next time.
So what does all this have to do with you and me? That depends on what it is that YOU need to begin believing you can do. To get you thinking, I’ll give you examples in 3 life categories you may be able to relate to. They are:
- Your health
- Your career
- Your relationships
Your health
We’ve all heard of yo-yo dieting and likely have experienced it, too. You lose the weight; you put it back on — and then some! It’s a challenge many of us face. If you’re thinking you’d like to lose a few pounds, I encourage you to first believe it.
In April of this year, I decided I needed to lose weight. I started my #journeytohealth, which many of you have been following (thank you!). What made this time different was my whole-hearted belief that I could lose the weight. I committed to it in my mind, and I believed I’d be successful.
From that belief came concerted effort (i.e., action). I created a vision board. I started logging calories and tracking steps. I became keenly aware of how much water I was drinking. And, I kept a sheet of paper with tally marks on my refrigerator to tell me how many times I worked out each week and how many nights per week I went to bed before 10pm to ensure a healthy amount of sleep.
These actions have contributed to my success, (which is currently 27 lbs lost — and counting). I wouldn’t have had this success without first believing that change was possible and knowing I had it in me to achieve my goals.
Your career
Maybe you’ve been thinking of going back to school to learn something new and either change careers or influence your earning potential. Or maybe you’re wanting to pursue a designation, license or certification that could open new doors for you.
I have three friends pursuing Masters Degrees right now and another pursuing a PhD. I have two friends who started their own businesses, and I’m now doing the same. I have another friend who is working hard to get out of debt and become financially free. All of these different pursuits take a great deal of time, energy and effort. But they first start with the belief that we can succeed. If we didn’t believe it was possible, we would have stopped long ago.
Your relationships
Perhaps you’re wanting to improve a particular relationship. Both women and men can sometimes feel as though they don’t measure up. Women — especially — can be hard on themselves due to extremely high expectations. You may feel like you are struggling to be a good mom or a loving wife. (I know we can be our own worst enemies at times.)
If you can relate and have caught yourself thinking, “I’m not a good, patient or loving mom,” or “I’m failing to show my husband love and respect,” try something new. Consider simply telling yourself you are those things. Starting with the belief will have a direct impact on your actions, and before you know it, you’ll be acting as a good, patient and loving mom, and you’ll find ways to show your husband love and respect.
Consider simply telling yourself you are those things.
My challenge to you
I have a simple 3-step challenge to help you believe in yourself so you can reach your goals — whatever they may be. Humor me, and give this a try!
- Make your belief a simple statement. “I will lose 15 pounds.” “I am capable of becoming financially free.” “I can start my own business.” “I am a good mother.” “I respect my husband.” [Insert your own belief here.] These statements work like self-fulfilling prophecies so be sure what you choose to believe is what you really want to achieve!
- Reinforce the belief. You might decide to journal or write your belief repeatedly until it is embedded in your mind. You can create visual cues and reminders that you place on your bathroom mirror, refrigerator or desk. You can repeat mantras (such as “I a
m. I can. I will.”) to remind yourself of your belief throughout your day. Or you can find positive affirmations or meditations for free on YouTube or apps like HeadSpace or SmilingMind that use repetition and visualization to actually form new neural pathways in your brain. This re-wiring, if you will, trains your brain to think differently, which can and does change your behaviors. It’s science. It’s proven. And it’s available to each of us! - Take action to achieve your belief. Once the belief is engrained in your mind, you can start creating an action plan to help you get there. Maybe you’ll set small, achievable goals on a weekly or monthly basis. Maybe you’ll start with an overarching strategy and then get more tactical with specific acti
ons you can achieve one day at a time. Whatever your approach, doing this will set you in motion. And soon, what you believed you could do or become, you will achieve!
Contact me
When you give this a try, contact me to let me know how it goes! Comment below or send an email to yoursintentionally@yahoo.com. I always enjoy hearing from you!
Yours Intentionally, Amanda