With any household move or relocation, there’s an element of ‘scary’. It’s so much change all at once and oftentimes involves finding and forming brand new relationships. In our family’s case — moving several states away to live on a rural farm — we definitely have to be intentional about making friends. 

Before we moved, the girls and I prayed many nights that God would bring good people into our lives. We prayed He would handpick really special individuals for us. 

But we knew making friends would require effort on our part also. We need to be a friend to have a friend. We need to display courage and vulnerability in order to show others who we are. In addition, we need to put ourselves in places, or create opportunities, to find the people God wants us to meet. 

 

Our approach to finding and making friends has been multi-pronged, including joining activities, tapping into already-formed relationships, and seeking out events where people are social.

We became joiners

Prior to moving, I researched and scoped out activities my girls could participate in. Does the area have a local dance studio or gymnastics place? Is there a volleyball team for my girls’ ages? Where can they take music lessons? What types of summer camps are available? 

I didn’t want to overload our schedules, I simply wanted to be sure my girls wouldn’t get to the farm, find no one around, and be bored out of their minds. In my mind, I envisioned the scenario going like this: “We went on several Gator rides, we explored the farm fields, now what? There’s no one to play with. I’m SO BORED!” All parents have had those conversations even if not living rurally, right?

I found a few possible options, and we talked about whether or not they wanted to pursue them. Once we moved to the farm, it was sign-up time. No more exploring or researching, it was time to commit and get involved. 

I signed our oldest up for two weeks of Volleyball camp — one in July and one in August. We joined the Summer Reading Program at the beautiful and quaint local library, which we visited often. We found a free event provided by the local YMCA every Tuesday to attend. We joined a local church and started attending the service that includes a kids’ program. I signed both girls up for Vacation Bible School. Through many of those connections, we found moms with kids my girls’ ages to have playdates with, and we have met some really wonderful families. 

We tapped into already-made relationships to form others

Fortunately for us, we have returned to an area where my husband grew up and went to school. An area where his family has lived for several generations. That helps tremendously. Many of my husband’s high school classmates are still in the area and now have families of their own at about the same life stage. That has made this process a thousand times easier, and I’m so thankful! 

One of Tom’s good friends from childhood and his wife, who have kids close to our girls’ ages, have taken us under their wings and helped to introduce us to several other families. We’ve had playdates with them and also with friends we met through them! #grateful

In addition, many of you know I previously lived in this area of Michigan after college. That’s when I met Tom. We dated and married here. It wasn’t until a few months into our marriage that I asked him to move with me to Illinois to launch my career.

Having lived in this area for approximately 4 years myself, I also have friendships I can tap into and reinvest in. It’s been wonderful to see friends again from years ago. 

We sought out events and activities where people are social 

Our rural farm is located outside of, and between, several small towns. It’s been amazing to discover just how much fun small towns can be! Immediately, we started learning about local “things to do” and jumped right in. 

For starters, there’s a local Farmer’s Market on both Saturdays and Wednesdays north of us, and another Farmer’s Market in the small town west of us. That one happens to stay open later in the evening making it easier to get to after our work days end. In addition, it offers a covered pavilion, live music, and dinner — something different every week! 

The local wares, hand-made items, fresh-baked goodies, and home-grown fruits and vegetables at all the Farmer’s Markets are incredible! We’ve learned to take plenty of cash and a bag to carry home all of our “finds”.  

On the 4th of July, we attended a small-town parade. Everybody came out and lined the streets to watch the trucks, tractors, and classic cars go by. The kids, with bags in hand, raced to grab candy as it was thrown. 

We’ve also been able to attend a local festival called ‘Sounds & Sights’ which occurs Thursday nights for several weeks through the summer. It brings the whole town to the downtown area for food, live music, local art and entertainment, and socializing.

It’s a wonderful way to be introduced to people and/or bump into people we’ve already met and visit a short while. The girls especially love this event because they get to meet and see many kids they’ll be attending school with in the fall, and Tom and I get to meet their parents, too. We have met or run into so many great people at this weekly event! Unfortunately, this past Thursday was the last one for this summer, but it was fun while it lasted!

What’s the big deal?

Some may wonder why these events are so special to us. Aren’t the same kinds of things — farmers’ markets and parades — available in a bigger town? Well, yes, but I’m telling you there is a different vibe in a small town.

First, it’s ‘easy in, easy out’ without the hassle of fighting huge crowds and traffic. Second, the people are so friendly and kind. They are down-to-earth and approachable, which has made making friends so much easier. Plus, the moment you find out you both have kids about the same ages, you realize they’ll be going to the same school together! (There are not multiple schools for every grade level.) Then once you’ve been introduced, you are certain to run into one another again, which has been nice. We’ve enjoyed it so much! 

My husband — who knows me better than I know myself — says I am truly a ‘small-town girl’ who just never knew it. He knew I would love it and it would fit me perfectly — and he was right! It suits our kids, too. 

Peace of mind

Now, I have peace of mind on two fronts: 

1. My kids haven’t been bored out of their minds this summer. In fact, we haven’t yet had the “I’m SO BORED” conversation. #thankgoodness  
2. My kids will know some of their classmates at their new schools before the first day.

As parents, that makes my husband and I so happy. Any time we can reduce the amount of ‘scary’ they face, we want to. Having familiar faces they already know and like will be so helpful and comforting! 

Courage over comfort 

In Brené Brown’s book Dare to Lead, she says people must “choose courage over comfort.” I see my girls doing that every time they are introduced to new kids or families. There is definitely an element of courage needed when forming new friendships. 

My girls have been brave. They speak up and introduce themselves when it may be easier to be a wallflower. They bravely share about who they are and what they like, not knowing if others will accept them or laugh at them. 

“A friend is someone who gives you total freedom to be yourself.”

— Jim Morrison

Though they miss friends in Illinois, they have been resilient through all of this change. They are adapting better than we expected. They are fully embracing their new lives, and that makes our hearts happy.    

Your turn

If you want to be intentional about making friends or forming new friendships, try leveraging these tips:  

• Be a joiner
• Tap into already-made relationships to form others 
• Seek out events and activities where people are social

Whether you’ve moved to a new area or not, new friendships can always be a joy. Despite the fact that it can be scary, put on your courage, be open to sharing who you are, and purposefully create opportunities to make new friends. 

Yours intentionally, Amanda