Category Archives: Marriage and Relationships

Christian Faith, Counseling, Marriage and Relationships, Mindfulness, Motivation, Parenting and Motherhood

Asking for Help Can Be Life Changing

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In today’s society, we like to pretend we’ve got life all figured out. We put on a happy face to mask our problems. We appear on the outside as being “put together” though inside we have our struggles. We post images of ourselves and our families on social media that show us at our very best, presenting our good sides and leaving the bad and the ugly hidden from the world.

But the truth is, nobody has it all figured out. We’re all just doing the best we can with the same limited resources – time, money and energy. So what’s the answer? I think we all need to get better at simply asking for help.

Asking for help from others

This is not easy – especially for those who don’t want to appear needy or be seen as dependent on others. However, I’ve come to realize we’ve just got to get over that. A little help from a friend can make a tremendous difference. Let me give you an example from my own life.

My husband works 7am-3pm and leaves the house by 6:30 each morning. He’s worked this shift since before our two kids were born. I start work after 8am, so it’s been my responsibility to get the kids ready for school and drive them across town before I head to the office. The mornings have always been hectic and one of my least favorite parts of the day.

Continue reading Asking for Help Can Be Life Changing →

Health and Fitness, Marriage and Relationships, Mindfulness, Motivation, Parenting and Motherhood, Personal Goals, Work Life and Career

Our Beliefs Influence Our Actions

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We’ve all seen the board sign that says, “She believed she could, so she did,” right?  It makes a nice wall hanging and adds to our décor, but have you ever really thought about that phrase? It’s both accurate and motivating.

Believed she could Board Sign
‘Believed She Could’ Board Sign

I’m learning, through multiple sources, that our beliefs shape our thoughts and emotions, which ultimately determine our actions and behaviors. This makes what we tell ourselves and what we believe extremely important.

My conclusion, of course, is that we need to be intentional about telling ourselves we’ll be successful and believing that we will be. Or telling ourselves that we’re capable and truly believing that we are.

Our beliefs influence our actions

Belief alone is not enough; the other half of the equation is following through and taking necessary actions. However, since beliefs influence our actions, we must first get our thoughts and beliefs solidified.

Our beliefs shape our thoughts and emotions, which ultimately determine our actions and behaviors. This makes what we tell ourselves and what we believe extremely important.

Far too often, we let limiting beliefs about ourselves hold us back from actually achieving what we want in life. We might believe we aren’t good enough or not worthy. Or perhaps we think it’s going to be too hard or that we’ll never be able to change ourselves or our situations.

It’s the difference between having a Growth Mindset and a Fixed Mindset. Believing you are stuck or that your efforts can’t change your life or your current situation, equates to having a Fixed Mindset. But when we believe that our own efforts can make a difference, and that we can change/improve/grow, we have a Growth Mindset. It comes down to what we believe.

Continue reading Our Beliefs Influence Our Actions →

Christian Faith, Counseling, Marriage and Relationships, Mindfulness, Parenting and Motherhood, Work Life and Career

Creating Space Can Save Relationships & Your Sanity

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With the end of the school year fast-approaching and daily routines  changing, you might think I’m talking about creating space in your schedule. The idea of becoming less busy so you have time to focus on the things that really matter; you know, creating “white space” or “margins” as some have coined it. While I think that’s good and valuable, that actually isn’t what this post is about. Rather, the “space” I’m talking about creating is more of a pause – and one that truly can save your relationships and your sanity.

I’ve been learning and reading about this space, or pause, from several sources lately. If you’re a loyal reader, you know I have a passion for sharing what I’ve learned with others in an effort to help them create the lives they want and live more intentionally. So, let me explain what I’ve been learning about “space” in terms of a pause that truly can improve your mental state and your relationships.

Emotional Intelligence – Intercepting thoughts & emotions

Emotional Intelligence 2.0
Emotional Intelligence 2.0

I recently read Emotional Intelligence 2.0 by Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves. I also completed training and a self-assessment on the topic to determine my aptitude, or EQ (emotional quotient); similar to how we all have an IQ (intelligence quotient).

The book and the training were both fabulous and helpful. I highly recommend them. What stuck with me the most was how the Emotional Intelligence gurus explained a natural chain of events that occurs often for all of us. It looks like this:

Event/Trigger >> Thoughts/Emotions >> Reaction/Response

When an event or trigger occurs, you’ll experience thoughts and emotions, which will then cause a reaction or response from you. This chain of events sometimes leaves us feeling powerless and controlled by our thoughts and emotions.

Continue reading Creating Space Can Save Relationships & Your Sanity →

Marriage and Relationships, Parenting and Motherhood, Personal Goals

3 Ways to Show Patience

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Have you ever prayed for patience and then quickly realized God was simply giving you more opportunities to practice being patient? I have. Patience is something I could use more of – especially in dealing with my kids.

Many parents likely struggle with patience. In our busy lives, when we need uninterrupted time to focus on tasks, stopping every few minutes to provide snacks, answer questions, or break up sibling squabbles can be tiring and frustrating. Refraining from snapping at our littles and reaching the end of our fuses can be a challenge.  It’s something I’m working on, for sure.

In thinking about how I wish I would respond, examples of my dad came flooding into my mind. He passed away in 2013, but his whole life, he was the perfect role model for patience — in both big and small moments.

Me and Dad
Me and Dad

Many who knew him would describe him as laid back, fun loving, easy going, and possessing a great sense of humor. All of that is true, and I would also add: kind, gentle, full of unconditional love, and patient.

There are three lessons we can probably all learn from my dad when it comes to showing patience to others. They are:

  • Place people above things
  • Look for opportunities to teach rather than scold
  • Approach conversations with unconditional love

Let me share two examples that illustrate all three of these lessons.

Continue reading 3 Ways to Show Patience →

Christian Faith, Counseling, Marriage and Relationships

7 Powerful Words

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And 2 Suggestions

“I will with the help of God.” Strung together, those 7 words are powerful.

The phrase reminds me of the Bible verse in Philippians 4:13 that says, “I can do all things who Christ who strengthens me.” Both are so full of hope. They provide courage to move forward when the future is uncertain. When the next steps seem daunting and too overwhelming to face alone.

Why I love those words

I have a personal love for this particular 7-word phrase because it was part of our wedding vows. Tom and I celebrated our 12th anniversary of marriage this month, causing me to reflect on the many wonderful memories I have of our beautiful winter wedding in Michigan.

We had the traditional vows that included “for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health….” But rather than saying “I do,” we were asked to say “I will with the help of God.”

The phrase was so fitting for us. It was (and is) foundational to our relationship. We recognized then (and still do) that we’d need God’s help to fully love, honor and cherish one another all the days of our lives.

During our pre-marital counseling at our church, we learned to put Christ at the center of our relationship. An image of a triangle depicted that the closer we grew to Christ, the closer we’d grow to one another, and that’s absolutely proven true.

Growing closer to God helps you and your spouse grow closer to one another.

Those 7 words are a powerful reminder to me that God is a constant help whenever I need Him, and He makes things possible.

Marriage isn’t easy

Marriage isn’t easy, and it’s increasingly difficult when we rely solely on our own strength; when we have only a human perspective. Twelve years have confirmed that Tom and I are not perfect. We’ve had enough life experience together to have seen the good, the bad, and the ugly of one another. We’ve said things we wish we could take back, and we’ve not always been as loving, honoring and cherishing as we had hoped. We’ve had selfish days, and ups and downs as all marriages do, but we aren’t ready or willing to walk away when difficult situations arise.  Continue reading 7 Powerful Words →

Counseling, Marriage and Relationships, Personal Goals

4 Tips to Excellent Communication in Marriage

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Though I’m not a marriage expert, I’m in a great marriage and learning along the way. (This month, Tom and I will celebrate our 12th wedding anniversary!) One might consider me an expert in communications since I do have a degree in it and have spent the

Picture of our hands over our bouquet of flowers on our wedding day.
Our hands and rings over our bouquet of flowers on our wedding day. Photo Credit: Holly Frey Photography

majority of my professional career working in that particular field; however, I admit to still having much to learn. Putting these 2 things together – marriage and communication – I want to offer you 4 tips to excellent communication in marriage (or other relationships).

But first, a quick story

The other day, Tom received some disheartening news. He shared it with me when I got home from work. It was disheartening for me to hear as well.  We both experienced a myriad of emotions upon learning the news and both needed to process it and work through it.

The ‘what’ doesn’t matter here, but it’s important to note that the news wasn’t the kind that would cause a fight or argument; it was simply the kind that required common understanding and decisions about next steps.

We sat through a quiet dinner in which our daughters carried the conversation between themselves while we continued our own internal processing.

After dinner, we were ready to talk. We sat down and began working through what we were thinking and feeling. That lasted 2 full hours. Through it, we came to a place of contentment and peace, and in the end, we both felt better.

Upon reflection, I was able to see what we did well in those 2 hours that led to a positive resolution of our feelings, though the news hadn’t changed.

Here’s what we did and what you can do, too, in your own relationships: Continue reading 4 Tips to Excellent Communication in Marriage →

Christian Faith, Counseling, Marriage and Relationships

Intentionally Seeking God

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And His Way of Doing Relationships

If ever you’ve wondered whether God moves in your life, know that He does. It may require work on your part and a willingness to pay attention in order to see it, but He absolutely does – especially when you intentionally seek Him.

How do I know? Let me take you back to Sept. 2004, when Dr. Gary Smalley, Christian speaker and author, was scheduled to attend NorthRidge Church in Plymouth, Michigan to conduct a seminar about his book The DNA of Relationships.

It was there that my husband (Tom) and I met for the first time. A meeting we believe to be God ordained.

The setup

Tom had attended NorthRidge for a while – before I started attending – but had quit going to the mega-church because it felt so large and overwhelming. Then one day, while driving in his pickup, a radio advertisement announced a one-day seminar the church was hosting called, The DNA of Relationships. Tom thought, “What the heck, I’ll get two tickets and see if my brother, Jim, wants to go with me.” So, he did.

Meanwhile, I had just recently started attending the church and heard an announcement for the same one-day seminar during the Sunday services. I thought, “That sounds good. I’ll get two tickets and see if my boyfriend, John, wants to go with me.”

As that Saturday, Sept. 11, 2004, approached, Jim had shown no interest in wanting to go with Tom, and John had decided to break up with me after nine months of dating. So, Tom went alone to the seminar, and so did I. Coincidence? We think not. 

Continue reading Intentionally Seeking God →
Marriage and Relationships, Parenting and Motherhood, Personal Goals

3 Reasons I Intentionally Send Christmas Cards

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Besides It Being a Joy for Me

Some might view sending Christmas cards as a chore or a dreaded task, but not me. It’s one of the things I most look forward to each year at Christmas time.

In fact, (none of my friends will be surprised by this) but I usually have them done before Thanksgiving. I have to restrain myself from sending them out until afterwards.

Creating and sending Christmas cards – photo cards, to be more specific – is an absolute joy for me. Here’s how it typically goes for our family.

Each Fall, we have professional family photos taken. Once they are complete, we pick our favorites and decide which are Christmas-card worthy. (I try not to let my husband share those on Facebook ahead of the Christmas cards being sent, but sometimes he forgets – like he did this year!)

By early November, I go online and view tons of holiday, photo-card templates with different colors, layouts and phrases. I then populate a few with our pictures to see which one looks the best, and we place our order based on what the majority of us like.

Then — this is my favorite part — once we have the printed photo cards, envelopes and stamps, and our list of family and friends’ addresses from our computer, my two daughters and I sit down at the kitchen table together. We turn on Christmas music in the background, and we work as a team to stuff, address, stamp and seal the envelopes.

Admittedly, this hasn’t always been as picture perfect as it sounds.

Continue reading 3 Reasons I Intentionally Send Christmas Cards →

Christian Faith, Counseling, Marriage and Relationships

Crying Out to God

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Everyone Who Asks Receives

Have you ever had one of those moments when you didn’t know which way was up, or where to turn, and out of desperation for help you literally cried out to God?

I’ve had two of those in my life. The first one, I’ll tell you about now. It was a turning point for me.

I was 23 years old and in a relationship with a great guy. Only three months into dating, I was in love. I remember telling my sister and a close friend that he was “the one.” I loved him, and I could see myself spending the rest of my life with him.

By five months, he told me he loved me, and I said it back to him for the first time. This was the real deal and was becoming serious.

Then, at the eight-month mark, after spending the day together shopping and running errands, we got back to my apartment, parked the car, and he turned to me and said, “I don’t think we should see each other anymore.”

Continue reading Crying Out to God →

Christian Faith, Counseling, Marriage and Relationships

Intentionally Study Your Spouse

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It Could Save Your Marriage

If you’ve seen the movie Fireproof, starring Kirk Cameron as Caleb Holt, you know it’s about a firefighter whose marriage is rocky and headed towards divorce. Just when all hope seems lost, Caleb’s dad gives him a book called The Love Dare to work through for 40 days in an attempt to save the marriage. The Love Dare provides Bible verses, opportunities for prayer and intentional actions to do each day to show love to a spouse. Caleb takes the challenge on, though begrudgingly, and finds his love for his wife, Katherine, returning as his heart becomes less hardened.

I like the movie for several reasons, including how it promotes faith in Jesus Christ and suggests that everyone can benefit from counseling. But also, as you’d expect, I love the intentional actions that The Love Dare asks Caleb to complete. As he proceeds through the 40 days, the actions grow increasingly more difficult – from avoiding saying negative words to his wife, showing her a nice gesture, such as making her coffee, and buying something that shows he was thinking of her, all the way to praying for her, listening to her, and studying her.

It’s the studying her that caught my attention.

Continue reading Intentionally Study Your Spouse →