Category Archives: Parenting and Motherhood

Motivation, Parenting and Motherhood, Personal Goals

3 Things I Learned from My Failed Blog

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3 Things I Learned from My Failed Blog

This post contains an affiliate link. Please see my full disclosure policy.

Just because you can’t right now, doesn’t mean you can’t ever! What are you wanting to achieve in 2022 that you aren’t quite sure you’ll be able to do? Do you have big dreams and goals that feel a bit out of reach? I do, too. But let me encourage you with a quick story about a failed blog of mine.

My Story

When I became a mom in 2010, I realized just how much I had to learn. Babies don’t come with instruction manuals or directions, and I was clueless about so many things!

Working only part-time and with a love of writing, I wondered if I could start a blog and chronicle all that I was having to figure out and learn. I thought it might help other young moms and give me something else to do when the days grew long with just me and my baby at home.

I went online and bought a domain name and website. I called it, “A Learning Mom”. That was fitting, and I liked the sound of “alearningmom.com”. Nice ring to it, don’t you think?

The problem was, I had no idea how to start a blog, format it, add new posts, new pages, pictures — no clue! I had a website with a fancy colorful title, but nothing else.

The idea quickly died…a total failed attempt.

Mind you, this was back in the day when Artificial Intelligence (AI) and machine learning wasn’t a thing — or if it was, it wasn’t sophisticated or well known. Though I had an interest in blogging, my phone and computer were unaware and unable to push helpful content to me. As a result, the idea quickly died, and I let the domain name and website go. A total failed attempt at blogging.

Fast forward to 2017 and 2018. I signed up for a course about blogging, and then — thanks to AI and machine learning — was inundated with information and training on starting a blog. New content and tempting courses filled my social media newsfeeds daily.

This time, there was no stopping me. Originally, I had only the desire. But now I had the desire plus the knowledge and ability!

With this new blog, I broadened the title and subject matter, and thus Yours Intentionally was born!

Here’s the lesson from this tale.

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Farm Life, Life Events, Parenting and Motherhood

Priority #1: Making Friends

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With any household move or relocation, there’s an element of ‘scary’. It’s so much change all at once and oftentimes involves finding and forming brand new relationships. In our family’s case — moving several states away to live on a rural farm — we definitely have to be intentional about making friends. 

Before we moved, the girls and I prayed many nights that God would bring good people into our lives. We prayed He would handpick really special individuals for us. 

But we knew making friends would require effort on our part also. We need to be a friend to have a friend. We need to display courage and vulnerability in order to show others who we are. In addition, we need to put ourselves in places, or create opportunities, to find the people God wants us to meet. 

 

Our approach to finding and making friends has been multi-pronged, including joining activities, tapping into already-formed relationships, and seeking out events where people are social.

We became joiners

Prior to moving, I researched and scoped out activities my girls could participate in. Does the area have a local dance studio or gymnastics place? Is there a volleyball team for my girls’ ages? Where can they take music lessons? What types of summer camps are available? 

I didn’t want to overload our schedules, I simply wanted to be sure my girls wouldn’t get to the farm, find no one around, and be bored out of their minds. In my mind, I envisioned the scenario going like this: “We went on several Gator rides, we explored the farm fields, now what? There’s no one to play with. I’m SO BORED!” All parents have had those conversations even if not living rurally, right?

I found a few possible options, and we talked about whether or not they wanted to pursue them. Once we moved to the farm, it was sign-up time. No more exploring or researching, it was time to commit and get involved. 

I signed our oldest up for two weeks of Volleyball camp — one in July and one in August. We joined the Summer Reading Program at the beautiful and quaint local library, which we visited often. We found a free event provided by the local YMCA every Tuesday to attend. We joined a local church and started attending the service that includes a kids’ program. I signed both girls up for Vacation Bible School. Through many of those connections, we found moms with kids my girls’ ages to have playdates with, and we have met some really wonderful families. 

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Parenting and Motherhood

Moms Set the Tone — It’s a Superpower

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You’ve heard the phrase “When mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.” That’s the truth! In fact, it may be an understatement. But the opposite is true as well: When mama is happy, everybody is happy! We moms have the power to change moods, influence the room, enflame or defuse tempers, and affect the overall tone of our households. We set the tone.

This is a powerful thing. Not to misuse, but to intentionally embrace, when needed, and to be aware of so you can have a more positive influence than negative.

Disclaimer:

Before I share the three ways I think this is true, let me provide a disclaimer. My kids are elementary-school age. I can’t yet speak to how teenagers respond (though I am familiar with the eye roll). If you’re a mom of teenagers currently, or you’ve survived that stage, I’d love to hear if any of the advice below resonates, or if it’s a whole new ballgame in the teenage years.

3 ways Moms set the tone

For those of us having lived through 2020 with younger kids, there are three ways I think Moms set the tone.

1. I am President, CEO, and leader of my family and household

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Parenting and Motherhood, Uncategorized, Work Life and Career

The right mindset equals success

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This post contains affiliate links. See my full disclosure policy for details.

Working parents of school-aged children: this post is for you.

Stress levels elevated? Sleepless nights? Worried about how you’ll survive this pandemic with all the pressures of work, remote learning, and regular home-life responsibilities? Check, check, and check! Then you might be — like me — a working parent of school-aged children.

This pandemic has not been easy on any of us, and it’s about to grow even more complex.

In the next few weeks, children across the country will be returning to school, but not the way they’ve typically done, and for some, not physically. Many will engage in remote learning – either 100% or greater than 50% if using a blended approach of both remote and in-person learning. While not ideal, and certainly not something any of us wished for, there is something we can do as parents that will set our kids up for success. We can have the right mindset.

While everyone’s situation is unique and different, for our household, it looks like this:

  • My husband is an essential employee who works outside the home
  • I’m working from home full time, and
  • I’m faced with creating a homeschooling environment to support remote learning for my school-aged children (like many of you).

It’s daunting. I’ve spent countless hours playing out different scenarios in my mind trying to figure out how we’ll make it all work. Inevitably, my blood pressure and stress levels would rise or my sleep would suffer before I chose to think about something else.

Then I realized I wasn’t looking at this situation correctly. I needed to shift my mindset.

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Christian Faith, Counseling, Parenting and Motherhood, Personal Goals

The 5 Ps of Intentional Parenting

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We were driving through town with the windows rolled down, and the three of us belly-laughed for about the fifth time in only a few minutes. My two daughters and I were spending a sunny afternoon running errands together.

After the laughter subsided, my oldest said, “Something’s different lately. You seem happier, and you aren’t yelling at us as much. What changed?”

“Hmm. I don’t know…” I said.

But I did know, and a little grin spread across my face as a warm feeling grew inside my heart. The truth was, I’d been working to improve myself in order to improve my relationships. Apparently, it was working and being noticed, which was extremely rewarding.

I’ve been spending time focusing on what I’ll refer to here as the 5 Ps of Intentional Parenting:

  • Pray
  • Play
  • Praise
  • Protect
  • Prepare

Quick history

Before I explain, let me take you back to 2017 & 2018. I found myself extremely unhappy with several relationships in my life. I sought counseling to help me manage and cope. At the time, I learned several helpful strategies that immensely improved my relationships because of changes I made within myself – in my heart and in my head.

But lately, I had reverted back to some old habits and old ways of thinking. I had forgotten to apply the strategies, and it was beginning to show – big time.

In my parenting, I felt angry, frustrated, and disconnected from my kids more often than I liked. I knew they felt it, too. It was showing up in how often I scolded and bossed rather than instructed or asked. How I reacted rather than responded. How I was quicker to shoe them off than pull them close. This started to really bother me, and I knew it was time to work on myself – again.

In doing so, I came up with these 5 Ps of Intentional Parenting. When I reflect on what I want to be as a parent and what my kids need me to be as a mom, these 5 Ps sum it up. If you’re a parent wanting to be more intentional with your kids and wondering how, let me encourage you to start here.

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Christian Faith, Mindfulness, Motivation, Parenting and Motherhood, Personal Goals

Shifting Focus

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Has this ever happened to you: You set out determined to do one thing and pretty soon you realize God had something else in mind for you? It recently happened to me, and it’s been an eye-opening experience.

It’s no secret that I try to live intentionally, so at the beginning of 2020, I set a one-word intention for the year. This is becoming quite a popular thing to do; many are choosing to set intentions rather than resolutions since resolutions have a bad rap for not lasting more than a few days.

What word did I choose for 2020? The word FOCUS.

Here’s why. I had set pretty big goals for myself in 2019 and worked hard to achieve them. Having made some awesome progress, I decided to buckle down and set out to achieve even more. My thought was simply that I needed additional focus. I thought if I could just zoom in and get really clear about my goals, I’d make forward progress. I would use the word FOCUS to remind myself to stay the course, avoid distraction, and not be derailed.

My one-word intention for 2020.

I also created a vision board for 2020 and have it displayed in my bathroom where I can see it every morning and night. As I’ve been focusing on its six categories and the images intended to inspire me to achieve those goals, I remind myself to work towards them and put in the effort to make them a reality.

But here’s the funny thing… it’s now mid-February, and I believe the word FOCUS is being laid on my heart in a very new and different way. It’s as if God is revealing to me what 2020 is really going to be about despite what I had in mind.

I believe God is shifting my focus.

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Christian Faith, Counseling, Marriage and Relationships, Mindfulness, Motivation, Parenting and Motherhood

Asking for Help Can Be Life Changing

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In today’s society, we like to pretend we’ve got life all figured out. We put on a happy face to mask our problems. We appear on the outside as being “put together” though inside we have our struggles. We post images of ourselves and our families on social media that show us at our very best, presenting our good sides and leaving the bad and the ugly hidden from the world.

But the truth is, nobody has it all figured out. We’re all just doing the best we can with the same limited resources – time, money and energy. So what’s the answer? I think we all need to get better at simply asking for help.

Asking for help from others

This is not easy – especially for those who don’t want to appear needy or be seen as dependent on others. However, I’ve come to realize we’ve just got to get over that. A little help from a friend can make a tremendous difference. Let me give you an example from my own life.

My husband works 7am-3pm and leaves the house by 6:30 each morning. He’s worked this shift since before our two kids were born. I start work after 8am, so it’s been my responsibility to get the kids ready for school and drive them across town before I head to the office. The mornings have always been hectic and one of my least favorite parts of the day.

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Health and Fitness, Marriage and Relationships, Mindfulness, Motivation, Parenting and Motherhood, Personal Goals, Work Life and Career

Our Beliefs Influence Our Actions

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We’ve all seen the board sign that says, “She believed she could, so she did,” right?  It makes a nice wall hanging and adds to our décor, but have you ever really thought about that phrase? It’s both accurate and motivating.

Believed she could Board Sign
‘Believed She Could’ Board Sign

I’m learning, through multiple sources, that our beliefs shape our thoughts and emotions, which ultimately determine our actions and behaviors. This makes what we tell ourselves and what we believe extremely important.

My conclusion, of course, is that we need to be intentional about telling ourselves we’ll be successful and believing that we will be. Or telling ourselves that we’re capable and truly believing that we are.

Our beliefs influence our actions

Belief alone is not enough; the other half of the equation is following through and taking necessary actions. However, since beliefs influence our actions, we must first get our thoughts and beliefs solidified.

Our beliefs shape our thoughts and emotions, which ultimately determine our actions and behaviors. This makes what we tell ourselves and what we believe extremely important.

Far too often, we let limiting beliefs about ourselves hold us back from actually achieving what we want in life. We might believe we aren’t good enough or not worthy. Or perhaps we think it’s going to be too hard or that we’ll never be able to change ourselves or our situations.

It’s the difference between having a Growth Mindset and a Fixed Mindset. Believing you are stuck or that your efforts can’t change your life or your current situation, equates to having a Fixed Mindset. But when we believe that our own efforts can make a difference, and that we can change/improve/grow, we have a Growth Mindset. It comes down to what we believe.

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Christian Faith, Mindfulness, Parenting and Motherhood

The 3 Best Times for Connection with Kids

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I grew up in a household where open conversation and dialogue was welcomed. It was how we established trust and a deep sense of unconditional love, acceptance and belonging. My parents welcomed questions and conversations about the hard stuff and the big stuff, but they showed a genuine interest in the little stuff of everyday life, too – and that’s where true connection happens with kids.

Times have changed, and we now live in a digital world in which it often feels like everyone in the household (no matter the age) is behind a screen and uninterested in engaging in conversation. Though it seems that way, that couldn’t be further from the truth. People are still interested in connecting; we just have to be more intentional about making it happen.

From my experience

I’ve found 3 times that are best for true connection with my kids. Times when no screens are present and open conversation and dialogue occur freely and naturally. I welcome these times because I, like my parents, want to let my kids know we have a relationship of trust, they are loved unconditionally, they are accepted, and they belong.

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Christian Faith, Counseling, Marriage and Relationships, Mindfulness, Parenting and Motherhood, Work Life and Career

Creating Space Can Save Relationships & Your Sanity

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With the end of the school year fast-approaching and daily routines  changing, you might think I’m talking about creating space in your schedule. The idea of becoming less busy so you have time to focus on the things that really matter; you know, creating “white space” or “margins” as some have coined it. While I think that’s good and valuable, that actually isn’t what this post is about. Rather, the “space” I’m talking about creating is more of a pause – and one that truly can save your relationships and your sanity.

I’ve been learning and reading about this space, or pause, from several sources lately. If you’re a loyal reader, you know I have a passion for sharing what I’ve learned with others in an effort to help them create the lives they want and live more intentionally. So, let me explain what I’ve been learning about “space” in terms of a pause that truly can improve your mental state and your relationships.

Emotional Intelligence – Intercepting thoughts & emotions

Emotional Intelligence 2.0
Emotional Intelligence 2.0

I recently read Emotional Intelligence 2.0 by Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves. I also completed training and a self-assessment on the topic to determine my aptitude, or EQ (emotional quotient); similar to how we all have an IQ (intelligence quotient).

The book and the training were both fabulous and helpful. I highly recommend them. What stuck with me the most was how the Emotional Intelligence gurus explained a natural chain of events that occurs often for all of us. It looks like this:

Event/Trigger >> Thoughts/Emotions >> Reaction/Response

When an event or trigger occurs, you’ll experience thoughts and emotions, which will then cause a reaction or response from you. This chain of events sometimes leaves us feeling powerless and controlled by our thoughts and emotions.

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